Happy New Year dearies,
I’m excited to be growing a year older in the Lord. I am increasing in wisdom, experience and all things God. As I reflect on the days past, I can’t help but notice God’s signature on all aspects of my life. The last 27 years have been a joy to live. Here is a compressed version of some of those events…
0-5 years (I was told of the happenings of this time)
- Mom was sickly. They thought she’d die and/or I’d come out abnormal.
- When I realized what legs are for, I’d take every opportunity and go for a walk to anywhere long before anyone discovered my whereabouts. Once, mom found me with a stranger who said he was taking me to a police station. Another time, she had to board a matatu to find me. I still love to take walks.
- Mom and dad promised to serve me tea in some jisty china cups they were using as soon as I had drained the porridge in my green plastic mug. They didn’t honor their end of the deal. In anger, I hurled dad’s cup with its hot contents at him. He ducked. I remember throwing a shoe at him for smoking in the house too. He shouldn’t have. Mom and I were allergic.
- Mom took me to a pediatrician because I was too active. Hyperactive. Doctor said I was physically fine. He didn’t know what to make of my mental state. I am told that I’m still the reigning champion in the history of child hyperactivity in the family, to date. I’m sober now.
- Mom ate a lot, was sick and had a biiiiiig stomach. She went to the market one day and brought me a baby sister. She said that I asked her whether she was happy she would get a baby, as I rubbed her tummy. She was dressing me for school. I was the first to
noticeknow. No bump was visible. Interesting.
- Witnessed a lot of domestic violence. Now I know the abuse began way before.
- Mom and dad split. Eventually divorced. He disowned us.
- Watched mom hold it together for us.
- Participated in Music festivals. Kinda became a celeb at school. Solo verses were my thing.
- Mom once tied my hands with a rope to hang me for not taking care of my books and rocking a handwriting that even I couldn’t read. Let’s just say that now you will never find dog ears on my books, I like to have them covered, I scribble on printed ones with a pencil and I can read my own handwriting. Great ain’t it?! Maybe I should get myself a new textbook. Hmm…
- Had cerebral malaria. I hallucinated by giving lessons from my music class to those around me. It was my favorite subject at the time. Looked like it was time for my Maker and I to meet. The one day she allowed me to go play as I recovered, was the day I somehow convinced myself that mom wanted to kill me. Face palm. Well, she did open the door for me while holding a knife (she was using it to peel potatoes). I decided to escape to my grandmother’s, very many kilometers away on foot.
smhChildren in the town had a great time playing hide and seek with me. For a sick child, I did give fifty plus kids quite a hard time. I was eventually taken back home to my clueless mother. I ran again, but in the wrong direction. A wall stopped me. Now I just walk into glass walls.
- Was beaten by mom because a boy said I liked him and wrote to him a note. It was the other way around but she didn’t believe me. I should have given the note to her instead of sending it back, she said. I’m not sure how I feel about notes. I like letters. I’m not good with texts.
- Got bored of hair and cut it.
- Mom taught me about menstruation when I started complaining that my male desk mate’s shoulders looked funny, wide, weird… I also wondered what the Always advertisements were for.
- Goes to boarding school. Fellow newcomers keep crying because they are homesick. I don’t understand.
- Writes letters to mom complaining that people keep stealing my socks and bucket.
- An aunt comes to pick me on a Wednesday during our midterm week. Saturday would be visiting day. Excited I’ll get to see mom. Goes to Grandma’s with aunty. She’s not as chatty. Gets home and sits to watch teletubbies. Aunty interrupts. She wants to talk. Mom had an accident, she says. Which hospital is she at? I ask. She’s with the Lord, she says. I’m confused, it sinks in. I cry. I go on with activities. I’m numb. Can’t feel a thing. We bury her on what was to be my first visiting day in boarding school. Can’t cry. Spends the rest of my life crying over her. Got over it last year with help from the Servants of God in my life.
- It’s a mixed boarding school so a lot of fun and drama. Good distraction from the pain inside.
- High school. I hate school. I hate life. I hate people. I hate God. I want to die. I want my mommy.
- Always sickly.
- Music festival and Drama festival are the only thing that makes me happy.
- Oh and I could style my classmates’ hair and outfits for the random Miss Ngiriambu beauty pageants. Wrote poems. My classmates often borrowed my poem book when they were penning a missive to their friends. #wasapangalaz yo! Was a fan of the Insyder magazine. Had posters of CMB Prezzo, Wyre, Redsan, uuuuwi, and that Kevin from the Coca Cola Popstars Kenyan group! Hold up! I had a big poster of Henrie Mutuku too. I was told I was her lookalike. I still love her. If you know her, I’d like to meet her.
- Gets a pen pal when in form two. We eventually meet after high school. Very handsome fella I tell you. In due time, we stopped communicating.
- I get surrounded by a guy and his friends at cucu’s (grandma’s) place when she left for church. Too scared, I lock myself in the house. On hearing this, Cucu marches to the guy’s home in obvious displeasure. I became famous in the village. Girls don’t usually tell on guys. Will I live with my Cucu forever? Do I plan to never get married? I’m taunted for being ‘stupid’. On a separate instance, I get a marriage proposal from a guy I didn’t know on my way to the shops. He knew me. I was so angry because I was 15 years old. But hey, out there girls quit school to get married. I’m clearly different, it bugs them but no one wants to deal with my Cucu!
- Too angry and moody. Cucu manages to handle me. There’s a lot of drama going on. I don’t know how to handle things.
- Gets ID. Duh!
- Campus. Takes two semesters to know all the names of my classmates. (1 academic year) (
ukisoma hii please usicatch mafeelings if you are in this group)
- Gets invited to a Christian event, at Nairet. A half kesha AKA Point 5. Get it? Point 5, half kesha? Oh, looks like there are genuine Jesus people after all! I give my life back to God and become part of this family. I seem to find a place to express myself, finally. It seems safe. People here actually hear what I’m saying. I’m not a nuisance, or different here. The creativity in me begins to peek out but the mess I am cannot be a message yet. For once, I know the hearts of the people around me. They are hearts after God. That’s enough for this girl.
- Makes loads of great friends. Graduates.
- Ever sickly. Can’t handle jobs. Mental health failing. Serious mood swings. Suicide sounds sweet. Wants to check self into a mental institution but somehow lacks fare to the hospital. Gets prescriptions that make me high and happy. I like them way too much. I throw them away. I tell God that I want Him to heal every part of me. That I do not want to take medication to stay sane. If I have to be dependent on anything, it will be God. I know I need to deal with things and come to terms with others. I need help. Seesaws in my relationship with God.
- I intended to be dead by 25. I had no plan for 26. I did not want 26. But God did.
- God took over. He took me in. He’s healed me in places I did not know I hurt. He’s revealed me to me as He sees me. I’m awed by who I am in Him against who I was without Him.
- He answered my prayers to have a loving family and parents. With the brethren at Faith With Works Fellowship (FWWF), I’m home. My search is over. I’m safe. I’m sane. Sometimes I just
wantedneeded a hug. Now, the warmth that surrounds me assures me that I’m loved. Loved to love others.
- This part of my life is directed by Him.
- Writer’s block has been blocked! Yaiy!
I turned 28 on Sunday, 3rd January. My testimony is this, despite the facts of my life, God has been good to me. He has been good. God’s been good to me!
I’ve seen God take situations that caused me so much pain and use them to minister to someone. I could go on and on… But the point is this, as I enter a new year in my life, I know God is determined to do good to me. He has been good to me even in the deepest darkest valleys. I always had people to help me go through them. When I was unfaithful and faithless to Him, His faith for me never wavered. He patiently teaches me how to love Him.
So all things are working out for my good because I love the Lord. I know 28 will be a great year for me, because I know the Lord is in the details of every one of my days and so my purpose in Him will be fulfilled.
Be encouraged if you are going through something difficult right now, whether you understand it or not. The Lord will see you through it, and He’ll teach you through it. You’ll be glad you experienced it because the reward of having a deeper revelation of who God is to you will cloud all the gloom and doom. He hasn’t brought you this far to leave you now.
If you are in a happy place, life is good and all, you have a testimony of God’s goodness to you. Keep it and maintain that testimony by thanking God for all He has done for you.
Regardless of what state you are in, always remember, GOD IS ALWAYS GOOD! That is not about to change at any point in eternity!
Here is to a great year in the Lord. Cheers!
Qui the Heiress.