Press Publish

rage3Truth is, I am afraid. Yep I said it, I am afraid of pressing the publish button.

Let me explain. Every time I write something, I always take time hovering over the publish button. You see, I don’t really know who will use what information how. I would be correct to assume that we have all been hurt by people so close to our hearts. Right? Same here. So forgive me if I am a bit weary of fellow humans, hence the fear to press publish.

Weird enough, I am some kind of daredevil, a very mild adrenaline junkie. On the other hand, I love people. I love with all of me. I hold nothing back as long as God is not against it. But we humans have this terrible tendency to maim each other, intentionally or not. So personally, fear is very real to me.

Been seeking God’s counsel on the same and it is amazing what He has to say about fear. At least the Bible acknowledges the presence of it. As such, it is correctly described and dealt with. We walk around acting strong (me included) all the while knowing we are falling apart. Sooner or later it will all come to light so the sooner we deal with it, the better.

Of all the verses that talk about fear, this one gets on my nerves most. I know, I know! I shouldn’t get irritated by the bible. But isn’t that what happens when the flesh is in denial?

Revelations 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and fornicators, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. (KJV)

How can a fearful person (me) be put in the same category with murderers and fornicators and sorcerers? I mean, I can’t even cast a spell and I will burn in the lake of what?! Unfortunately, our logic doesn’t negate God’s final authority on an issue.

According to 2 Timothy 1:7, God has already given us a spirit of power and love and self-control not of fear. So, we should apply this power in our lives and over our fears. How? Knowing who I am in Christ helps me find peace in the midst of an oceanful badmouthing, name calling and the rest.

For a long time in my life I had felt unwanted and rejected (probably still do to a certain extent). Consequently, I perfected the art of being distant. I would be physically present but emotionally and mentally miles away in my sweet little planet where all the bad people couldn’t ever come. When possible, I would just stay physically away (still do). I could never really trust a soul and it felt like everyone was out to get me.

Till I met a group of God loving mad people (si kwa ubaya wasee, madness is kind of a requirement), fun people. They made 1 John 4:18 ‘There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.’ real to me.

Nairet. All I shall say right now about this group is that they introduced Christ to me in a real and loving way. In return, I began to bud, to smile, to hang out with people, even to dress up! Among the many lessons I continually learn when interacting with people from Nairet, is to let Christ love others through me. Through a fragile, simple me. I may have no idea the change it may make in someone’s courage2life but it is worth a try.

I guess if you are reading this, I did press the publish button. I pray that God will give me the courage to share about my life for HIS glory only. That something to direct praise to Him will come out of this anxious heart.
And to fellow ‘hopeful courageous peeps’, there is hope.


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